A Misguided Hero's Complex
by slackergurl
Summary: The first story in the Misguided Universe. Lines are drawn and sides are taken when Trixie and Jim's relationship becomes volatile.


**A Misguided Heros Complex**

By Misty

**January 8-Crabapple Farm**

Seventeen-year old Trixie Belden leaned closer to the upstairs window in her bedroom, searching for any sign of her long-time boyfriend Jim. It was one week into the New Year, and so far it was appearing to be exceptionally wonderful. The only disappointment she could think of was that there wasnt a mystery for her to solve at the moment. The end of the year had been unusually quiet for Trixie, and she frowned a little as she crossed her arms in front of her. She was ready uncharacteristically early, not wanting to miss a moment of her time with Jim. She let her eyes wander up to the hill above her. She smiled as she remembered the days before Jim moved out of the Manor House into an apartment in Sleepyside when they would send messages to each other after dark with a flashlight. They had both taken painstaking measures to learned Morse code, and after several months, they were both fluent in their new language. A light flickered below her, and her smile broke into a wide grin when she saw Jims Camry pull into the driveway.

Grabbing her purse off her bed, she bounded down the stairs as quickly as she could without tripping over the hem of her long skirt. Normally, she didnt dress up, especially in long skirts, but tonight she wanted to be sure she looked her best.

The butterflies in her stomach were making her more and more nervous with each passing moment. She mentally scolded herself. _Why are you acting so silly? It isnt like this is your first date. You and Jim have been dating for a long time. This one isnt anything special._

A little voice spoke up in the back of her mind. _If it isnt special, then why the skirt? And why the butterflies? Admit it, this night is going to be special, and you know why._

Oh, shut up. She muttered to the little voice in her head.

I think I read that talking to yourself is the first sign of mental instability, Ms. Belden.

Trixie looked up and saw Jims amused green eyes staring back at her. Hearing his voice made her even more excited, but didnt help her already nervous stomach. The butterflies quickly turned into bats. Large bats. Large, angry bats. She took a deep breath and smiled back. I thought that only applied if you started answering yourself.

He answered softly. Well, I am sure you are the exception. You usually are. Moving his hand from behind his back, he presented her with a long stem red rose. Shall we?

She took the rose from him, and tucking her hand in the crook of his arm, she led him to the door of her fathers study where both her parents were reading.

She peaked her head in the door to let them know she was leaving. Night. Dont wait up.

Her mother looked up and smiled. Have a good time, dear.

Her father looked up from his book and spoke sternly. Remember Trixie, one oclock.

2:30, she haggled.

He took off his glasses before repeating himself, more forcefully. One.

The movie I want to see doesnt get out until 1:30. She looked at her father pleadingly.

Growing suspicious, he asked, What movie would that be?

Anna And The King. It starts at 10:00 and gets out at 1:30.

All right then, 2, and not a minute later, he relented.

Thanks, Dad, she said quickly.

Before her parents could change their minds, she pulled Jim out the front door and towards the car.

They were seated comfortably in Jims car, driving down Glen Road before either spoke.

So, were seeing a late movie? Jim asked.

Trixie looked at him and smiled sheepishly. To be honest, I dont even want to see a movie. I thought maybe we could just have dinner then go back to your place and talk for a while.

Jim looked at Trixie inquisitively. You just told your parents we were going to see a movie.

She giggled. No, I told them the one I wanted to see didnt let out until 1:30, and thats true. Maybe Ill see it later, but not tonight. A thought suddenly occurred to her and she bit her bottom lip apprehensively. Unless youd rather see a movie. I mean we can do that instead. I just thought some quiet time together would be nice before we both have to get back to school and everything . . . Her voice trailed off.

That sounds great, Trix. I love spending time with you. He smiled reassuringly and raised her hand to his lips and brushed the back of it with a kiss.

Relieved, she sat back in her seat. Good.

A companionable silence filled the car, as they drove to a little French restaurant just on the outskirts of Sleepyside. A few moments passed and Trixie started to giggle.

Jim looked over at her, amused, but puzzled. What are you giggling about?

Earlier, while I was waiting for you to pick me up, I started thinking about how we used to talk to each other with the flashlights. Do you remember that?

Jim looked at her incredulously. Do I remember that? How can I forget? You didnt speak to me for three days when you translated wrong!

An embarrassed blush fell over Trixies cheeks as she mumbled. Well, I was still learning, and I thought you said fight lady. A giggle escaped her lips as she remembered how perplexed Jim had been when she refused to talk to him.

Jim looked over at her and smiled, not hearing what she was saying. Very few things embarrassed her enough to make her blush, but that particular memory did it every time. Sometimes, she blushed for no reason, but that would happen out of the blue. He loved to make her blush. She was remarkably beautiful under any circumstances, but when she blushed, she was radiant. He looked at her again out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

{ { {

Jim held the door open for Trixie and she stepped into the cozy apartment. The apartment Jim lived in was simple, but functional, especially for a single person. Brian had an identical apartment in the next building, so Trixie was familiar with the layout. Jim walked in after her and casually dropped his keys on the kitchen counter. He took her coat and hung it in the closet along with his own.

Do you want something to drink? He asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Um, sure. What do you have? Her casual words belied the anxiety she felt building in the pit of her stomach. She walked to the open area between the kitchen and living room and watched him.

He leaned over to peer inside the refrigerator, giving her a great view of his tight rear. _If only I could reach out and touch it. Just to touch it, I would die a happy woman. _Suddenly, he turned back around, and she felt herself blushing at having been caught thinking such thoughts. All I have is water or juice. I wasnt expecting anyone over. He gave a boyish half grin in apology.

Juice is fine, she replied. She walked back towards the couch while he got their drinks. She allowed herself an evil grin as she let her mind wander back to her previous thoughts. This time, her mind wandered even further, and by the time Jim carried the glasses into the living room, she was _stroking him sensuously with her tongue, allowing her lips to graze the head of his penis . . ._

Trixie! His voice shattered her reverie.

Huh? What? Oh, thank you Jim. She thanked him as he handed a glass to her.

I asked what it was that had you so deep in thought. He repeated as he sat next to her on the couch.

She looked at him and lowered her voice conspiratorially. Well, she began slowly, I was just thinking . . . No, I dont think I will tell you. She teased him.

Fine, be that way. He pretended to sulk.

You really want to know what I was thinking about? she asked impishly.

Of course. I am always interested in what is going on in that beautiful head of yours.

Without hesitation, she leaned over and pressed her lips firmly against his mouth. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her smaller frame against his. She slowly parted her lips, and ran her tongue along his lower lip before gently pulling it between her teeth.

She inhaled deeply, reveling in the musky scent of his cologne. His lips were warm, and soft against hers, and he allowed his lips to wander across her neck, just behind her ear. She inhaled sharply at the feel of his warm breath against her skin. She felt the rhythmic beating of his heart as it began thumping erratically. She pressed her chest even harder against his, desperate to be closer to him. Moving her head slightly, she lowered her lips to his neck, kissing him slowly from his collarbone to his jaw.

He groaned a little, and moved her lips back up to meet his. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he gently pushed her backwards so he was hovering over her while she lay on the couch. As his kisses became more intense, she gave herself freely to the passion playing between them. He grudgingly pulled away from her and leaned on his elbow. Running one finger down her jaw, he spoke quietly, but forcefully. While I like the way your mind works, I think we better stop now. I would hate for us to do something we would regret later.

She ran her fingers through his hair, down the back of his neck and across his shoulder. What would that be?

He hesitated a moment before answering. Trixie, sex is a huge step in a relationship. I dont want to pressure you into doing something you arent ready for.

She gazed into his eyes. He had extraordinary eyes, flecked and ringed with gold. What if I am ready? she whispered. Her eyes clung to his, analyzing his reaction. Ive thought about this a lot, and its what I want. I want to be with you, Jim. Tonight. Please.

Jim was at a loss for words. He had thought about making love to Trixie on many occasions, but never in his wildest dreams did he expect this to happen. (Well, ok, maybe some of the wilder ones.) And yet, here she was, asking him to make love to her. His gaze traveled over her face, searching her eyes. Deep in her eyes, he saw an underlying passion. Passion for him. He knew he should be responsible and put an end to this potentially dangerous behavior, but the softness of her skin and the feel of her body pressed tightly against his drove all thoughts of responsibility out of his mind. He was after all, only human.

Sensing that he was relenting, she leaned forward and began gently nuzzling his neck, all the while whispering, Please, Jim. Please.

His body and his mind waged a vicious battle against each other. The man Jim Frayne versus responsible, honorable Jim Frayne.

Responsible, honorable Jim Frayne lost.

In one deft move, he was up off the couch. He leaned over and picked her up, cradling her in his muscular arms. He walked to the bedroom, and set her gently on the bed. He towered over her, drinking in the vision of beauty that lay in his bed. He lay down next to her, and began planting kisses down her jaw line to her neck. Slowly, he slid his finger down the nape of her neck, followed closely by his lips. His finger slid smoothly across her silky skin, slowing as they moved over her breasts, and stopping only for the buttons of her blouse while his lips nuzzled the bare skin of her chest as it was exposed. His fingers nimbly went to work, removing the burdensome barrier, one button at a time.

Lifting her to a sitting position, he cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand. His gaze dropped from her eyes to her now bare shoulders to her breasts, begging to be released from their black satin and lace prison. He could see her chest rising and falling in a rapid pattern, and he was enamored with the fact that he had such a dramatic effect on her. Misunderstanding his hesitation, Trixie reached around behind her and unclasped her bra, allowing it to slide off her arms, and drop onto the floor beside them. Jims breath caught in his throat at his first sight of the delicate coral tipped breasts that were now before him.

She rested her hands on his chest for just a moment before setting to work on his buttons. With each button, she was greeted with the sight of more and more of his broad chest. She had seen him with out a shirt many times, swimming at the Wheelers lake in the summers, for instance, but the sight of his powerfully built chest rising and falling with his labored breathing, and knowing she was the reason for it was an empowering feeling. Any reservations or uncertainties she previously harbored were gone in an instant. He slid his arms out of the sleeves of his shirt, and she watched as it fell to the floor, lying in a heap with the rest of their clothes.

She lay back down on the bed, and Jim leaned over her. Are you sure about this, Trixie? he asked seriously.

Yes, Jim. I want this. I want to share this experience with you. Ive thought about this for a while, and I went ahead and started birth control pills just before Thanksgiving.

Jims eyes shot up at her last revelation. You did?

Yes. I know what I want, and I want you. If you arent ready, then that is fine. We can wait, but I want you to know, I am ready.

Jim tried to swallow the lump that had risen to his throat, but it wouldnt disappear. He leaned over her again and planted a kiss firmly on her lips before moving down her neck. His lips glided over her skin, teasing and tantalizing her nerves. He gently ran his tongue across the pink tipped nipple and smiled at is reflexive puckering. He took the taut nipple into his mouth and worried it between his teeth.

Trixie closed her eyes and a soft moan escaped her lips. Her heart began beating even faster in anticipation. She felt herself growing moist between her thighs. Jim moved his attentions downward and planted a series of kisses down her abdomen. When he reached the waistband of her skirt, he unbuttoned the side and slid it down over her slender hips, pulling her panties and her hose with it.

He stood at the end of the bed and unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his slacks. Trixie pulled herself up on her elbows and smiled as she watched him undressing himself, enjoying her private show. He slid his slacks over his hips, pulling his boxers with them. She got her first look at his engorged penis, and when she saw the size of it, she let out a little gasp. Hearing her reaction, Jim blushed, then smiled.

He moved onto the bed to lie next to her and ran his fingers along her jaw, down her neck, across her right nipple, and down to the apex of her thighs. He ran his fingers though the soft curls to the petals of her womanhood, and began gently stroking her. She felt miniature explosions being set off in every nerve of her body. He entered her with first one finger, then another. The longing and anticipation were building and she began to whimper. She wanted him. She needed him. There was a fire that reached from the tips of her fingers to the center of her soul that only he could satisfy.

When Jim was sure she was adequately aroused, he moved his body over hers and began kissing her first forcefully, then more gently. With all the thoughts and sensations going through his mind and body, one was persistent. _This is her first time. Be gentle and make it good for her._ He rested one hand on her shoulder, and with the other one, he guided his penis to her slick folds. _God she is so wet_. It took all his restraint to move slowly, making sure she was never in too much pain or discomfort. He slid into her slowly, anxiously watching her face for signs of uneasiness. When he met her barrier, he took a deep breath, leaned over and planted a searing kiss on her lips. As soon as he felt her responding to his kiss, he pushed into her, thrusting deeply. He felt her breathe in sharply, and prayed that he hadnt caused her too much pain.

He stayed where he was, buried deep inside her, and began tentatively nibbling on her lower lip. It was only a matter of moments, and she was once again responding to his touch. She began moving beneath him, urging him to continue. Tentatively at first, he moved in and out of her, but before long, he was completely lost in the moment. The feel of her muscles, gripping him as he thrust deeper and deeper inside her. Rising up a little on his elbows, he moved his hand down to her wet curls and began flicking his finger across the hard nub. She moaned, lost in the pleasure and the sensations he was causing. Her every nerve was on fire, and the smaller explosions she had felt earlier were beginning to grow in intensity and center over her pelvic region. She was at the brink, and he was quickly driving her over the edge.

He felt the spasms begin to rock her body, and he saw her back arch up towards him. Taken with the beauty of this woman climaxing, he leaned over and kissed her hard and full on the mouth. This movement caused him to push even further into her, and that, along with his kiss, sent new spirals of ecstasy through her. Their tongues danced wildly together while her muscles clenched and unclenched around his penis. Her body quit trembling, and she opened her eyes. She looked up at Jim. He was looking back at her, a deeply intense expression on his handsome face. She reached up and ran her fingers along his jaw, down his neck and across his well-defined shoulder. Her hand moved to his back, and she raked her nails across his back, sending him shivers of delight.

He began moving quicker and quicker, pumping harder and harder, each thrust of his being met by an equally powerful thrust of hers. His breath became ragged, and his voice cried out her name as he emptied himself inside her. He began pulling himself out, but she quickly wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him in closer.

Stay here, just another minute. Please?

He collapsed on top of her from sheer exhaustion, and she began planting wet kisses across his shoulders. The words filtering out of the bedside radio caught Trixies attention.

_I can feel the magic floating in the air  
__Being with you gets me that way  
__I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've  
__Never been this swept away_

_All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze_  
_When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms  
__The whole world just fades away the only thing I hear  
__Is the beating of your heart_

_'Cause I can feel you breathe, it's washing over me  
__Suddenly I'm melting into you  
__There's nothing left to prove, baby all we need is just to be  
__Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush  
__Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
__I can feel you breathe_

_Just breathe_

Pulling himself up off of Trixie, he began speaking, Trixie, we should . . .

Putting her finger to his lips to silence him, she whispered Shh, Just listen.

_In a way I know my heart is waking up  
__As all the walls come tumbling down  
__Closer than I've ever felt before and I know and you know  
__There's no need for words right now_

_'Cause I can feel you breathe, it's washing over me  
__Suddenly I'm melting into you  
__There's nothing left to prove, baby all we need is just to be  
__Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush  
__Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be_

_I can feel you breathe  
__Just breathe_

_Caught up in the touch, the slow and steady rush  
__Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
__I can feel you breathe  
__Just breathe_

I like that. Just breathe.

Jim smiled down at her. I do too. Maybe this should be our song.

She smiled back at him, stifling a yawn. Hmm. Maybe.

He rolled over to the side of her, and pulled her against his chest. I love lying here with you, holding you in my arms.

Trixie giggled. Well, I love it too.

They lay there in silence, lazily caressing each other until they had both drifted off to sleep.

_Rrriiinnngggg. _She woke up with a start, shaking the fog from her head. _Rrriiinnngggg _She reached over and answered the phone quickly, not wanting it to disturb Moms and Dad. No sooner was the word hello out of her mouth, when she realized her mistake. There was no danger in waking up Moms and Dad, because she wasnt home. This wasnt her phone she was answering at one in the morning; it was her boyfriends. All she could hope was that the person calling didnt know her personally, or, better yet, that it was a wrong number.

Trixie?? A masculine voice asked tentatively.

No such luck.

Um, hey Brian.

She could hear the controlled anger in his voice. What are you doing at Jims apartment at one in the morning?

She crossed her fingers before answering. Nothing. Just visiting. She looked at Jim, who was finally stirring from his sleep.

Well, can I talk to Jim? he asked uncertainly.

Um, yeah, sure. She answered hesitantly. Just a minute.

Shaking him awake, Trixie handed the phone to Jim, a sheepish look on her face. He looked from her to the phone and back, afraid to ask the question going through his mind.

Sensing what he was wanting to ask, she spoke up quickly. Its Brian, she whispered, covering the mouthpiece with her hand.

He had a pained look on his face as he took the phone from her. Hey Brian, whats up? he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

I called to tell you the dome light in your car is on. What is my sister doing there, and am I going to have to walk down there and kick your ass? He asked angrily.

We came back here to spend some time alone tonight.

Why doesnt that make me feel better? he demanded.

I dont know. Why dont you tell me? His temper began to flare for a moment, until he glanced sideways and saw Trixie, naked, looking up at him with concern. Then he realized that Brian had every right to be worried.

Sorry, Jim. I know you wouldnt take advantage of her or anything like that. Just go turn your lights off before you wind up with a dead battery, and she misses curfew, ok?

Jim sighed with relief. Right. Talk to you later. He reached over her to hang up the phone, his arm brushing her nipple. It reflexively hardened and grew taut at his touch. Trixie looked down at her body, then back up at Jim who was still leaning over her. She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

As much as I would love to, you need to get home. I have a feeling we may be getting another call from Brian if we arent seen leaving here in the next 10 minutes. He moved back to his place beside her, catching her nipple between his teeth as he passed in front of her.

Taken completely off guard, she gasped and looked at Jim. He smiled at her boyishly. Sorry, couldnt help myself.

She narrowed her eyes. You just wait. Revenge is sweet. Saccharine sweet.

They sorted through the pile of clothes on the floor until they each had their own. Jim had finished dressing and was slipping his shoes on as Trixie was pulling her blouse back on. From his seat on the bed, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her over to him.

Here, let me help you. Starting at her stomach, he kissed her exposed skin then buttoned the bottom button. He moved his lips up and kissed the skin that was about to be covered, then buttoned the next button up. He alternated kissing and buttoning until she was once again completely covered. Standing up, he put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into him. He kissed her softly and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She returned his kiss with fervor and wrapped her arms around his waist, allowing her hands to glide along his back.

He pulled away from the embrace and spoke softly. We better get going.

Nodding in agreement, she walked towards the door of the bedroom, and he followed her out.

{ { {

Half an hour later, Jims keys turned in the lock and he let himself back into his apartment. He was thinking back to the evenings events. Trixie had made it home in time for her curfew, as she always did when she was out with Jim. The kiss they shared at the door was quick, but sweet. They didnt want to give in to their passions, remembering the last time they did and Bobby caught them on film. It had cost Jim a pretty penny to buy those prints, not to mention the negatives.

The evening was wonderful, but he couldnt shake the guilty feeling eating away at the pit of his stomach. He was Jim Frayne, reasonable, responsible, and honorable. He always did what was expected of him, and he couldnt help but feel he had somehow let everyone, especially Trixie, down by giving into his desires. She was only seventeen. What had he been thinking?

He walked into the bedroom and began removing his shirt for bed. It had been a long night, and he was beat. He needed to talk to Trixie about what happened, but she would be spending the next day with her mother, his mother, Honey, Diana and Mrs. Lynch. The day before school starts has traditionally been a Mother/Daughter day out, and he knew from a conversation with Honey that the mothers took this day very seriously. This year was no exception. In fact, they were taking it even more seriously, since this would be the last one, ever.

He unbuckled his belt, and unzipped his pants, trying to think of a good time to talk to Trixie. The week was shot, because she was starting back to school and her parents didnt like her to go out on school nights. He didnt want to talk to her about this at the farm, nor did he want to talk to her about it on the phone. Next weekend would be his only chance.

He was slipping into bed when something caught his eye. He leaned in for a closer look, and his heart stopped when he noticed it was blood. Two little spots. The full impact of what had happened that night hit him in the chest like a ton of bricks, and a wave of guilt washed over him once again.

Pulling the linens off the bed, he threw then in the corner to be laundered the next day. He pulled his only other set of sheets out of the closet and set to remaking the bed.

**January 10**

The hum of the cafeteria around the girls didnt stop their lively chatter. It was Monday afternoon, and they were sitting at the same table they had sat at for the past 3 years eating their lunch and talking.

Across the room, a small crowd had gathered around one table in particular. Christian was used to being the center of attention. Under normal circumstances, he felt that was the way it should be. He was an interesting person, and everyone knew it. When he was trying to scope out the room, though, he liked to be left alone. He sighed and waited until the group got bored and left. Peering around the room, he saw a group of cheerleaders looking back at him from one corner. As soon as he looked their direction, they began whispering with each other feverently. Nothing special there.

His eyes scanned the room. Everywhere he looked, the students were talking about him in hushed whispers. He was the new student. The unknown quantity, and he liked it that way. His eyes locked on a small table back in the corner of the room where three girls were chatting happily. He gave a slight frown as he realized they werent chatting about him.

Early in the day, he found out who was cool in this hick school, and he asked to have him as a guide for the day. Drew was on the cross-country team, and was voted Homecoming King last October. Leaning over to his new friend, he asked, Who are those girls at that table there? They certainly dont look like they belong together.

Drew looked at the table in question and snorted in reply. The cheerleader is Diana Lynch. She is the one always nominated for Prom Queen, Homecoming Queen, Ms. All-Around everything. Honey Wheeler is the one wearing the beige linen slacks and the tan button down blouse. She is one of the resident nerds. Her brother graduated a couple years ago. He and I used to run on the Cross-Country team together.

What about the other girl? She certainly doesnt look as if she fits in with those two. He looked at the petite blonde with interest. She was wearing a black body suit that hugged her slender frame and a pair of baggy, faded jeans that sat low on her hips.

Trixie is in a class all on her own. She is the resident detective. I think someone added it up once, and she had solved more crimes and mysteries than the entire Sleepyside Police Department.

He looked intrigued. Why are the three of them together then? They just dont seem to be the same type.

See if you can follow along. This may get confusing. Trixie has two brothers. Well, actually, she has three brothers, but the youngest doesnt matter, so forget about him. Trixies oldest brother is Brian. He graduated the same year as Jim, Honeys brother. Brian is also Honeys boyfriend. He and Jim live in separate apartments in the same apartment complex on the other side of town and they drive to the University for classes. Her other brother, Mart, is Dianas boyfriend, and he graduated last year with another friend of theirs, Dan. I think the two of them are sharing a dorm room, or something. Jim is Honeys brother, like I said, and he is Trixies boyfriend. Jim was the one I knew best, because we were teammates. Let me tell you, the guy was like a saint. From what I understand, they were all a bunch of do-gooder types.

Christian looked across the room in wonder. Man, you gotta wonder what a girl like that would be like in bed.

Which one are you talking about? Because to be honest, I have spent a serious amount of time wondering what half the girls in here would be like in bed.

He scowled at his friend. Trixie, of course. That sense of adventure, that spirit waiting to be broken by a real man. I may have to give it a shot.

Drew leaned closer to Christian and spoke in a conspiratorial manner. Well, from what I understand, she and Jim are pretty close, and as far as her aptitude at the horizontal tango, you could probably find that out from Jim as well.

Christian raised his eyebrows in surprise. Oh really? It doesnt sound like he is such an honorable guy, after all.

Drew nodded and stuffed the last of his cheeseburger in his mouth. Taking a long swig of his drink to wash it all down, he answered. I heard from a very reliable source that they were seen leaving his apartment after one in the morning on Saturday. There is only one thing people do at one in the morning when they are alone together in an apartment. He crushed his milk carton before continuing. It isnt really surprising, though. They were the equivalent of the star quarterback and head cheerleader in our school. The only difference was that she was the detective and he, her knight in shining armor. He stood up to clear his place and continued. You can have any girl you want here. Dont waste your time on any of them.

Thanks so much for your advice, he answered dryly, but, I love a challenge.

Suit yourself. All I can say is good luck. Youre gonna need it. He walked off, leaving Christian staring at the three girls thoughtfully.

Oh, this should be fun. He murmured to himself as he got up to leave the cafeteria.

{ { {

Trixie stood behind the counter of the school store, ringing up last minute purchases of students as they hurried so as not to miss their buses home. One particularly obnoxious freshman stood in front of her looking at her pointedly while tapping his foot impatiently, shifting his back pack from one shoulder to the other and sighing loudly every few seconds. She wanted to wrap the spiral cord of the UPC scanner around his little freshman neck, but decided to simply glare at him. She reasoned with herself that the first day back at school would be over soon, and she could go home. Tomorrow would be better.

Honey saw the episode rolling out in front of her and, fearing for the safety of the freshman, walked up behind Trixie to take her place. Our shift will be over in 15 minutes. Why dont you go ahead and wait outside? I am sure nobody will miss you, and as soon as I am done here, we can leave.

Trixie smiled at her friend gratefully. Thanks Honey. The first day of school is bad enough without having to deal with all this. She gestured to the throng of students and teachers waiting to be helped, standing in the midst of pens, notebooks and other supplies that lay strewn across the narrow aisles of the small store.

Honey smiled at her friend. At least we dont have to clean tonight.

Thank God for small favors. See you outside.

Trixie ran back to the stock room to grab her purse and her books before beginning the walk to Honeys car. She stepped out of the school taking a deep breath, and allowed the cool night breeze to wash over her. She felt calmer immediately. _Just breathe_. She giggled to herself as she thought those words, and her heart started pounding a little faster as she remembered that night last Saturday when she lay in bed with Jim.

Trixie!

She turned at sound of her name, wondering how long the person had been calling her.

She stopped where she was and allowed him to catch his breath after he sprinted the last few yards to catch up to her.

Look, if I gave you back the wrong change in the store, Im sorry. Youll have to go back there and get it straightened out. She turned and started walking once again.

Oh, no. This isnt about the store. I just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. Sticking out his hand to her, he continued. Im Christian.

Its very nice to meet you Christian. She shook his hand before continuing her journey.

He looked at her retreating back wondering what had gone wrong. Usually, girls were falling all over themselves to spend time with him this way, but she couldnt care less. He decided to just go for it and make one last attempt. Quickly catching up with her, he asked Trixie, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime. We could have dinner, maybe catch a movie.

Trixie stopped dead in her tracks and laughed. Not a polite little giggle, either. She roared with laughter, and Christian soon became perturbed. Whats so funny?

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she struggled to catch her breath, her laughter finally ending in a little hiccup. Im sorry. My boyfriend doesnt like me to date other guys. Thank you for the offer, though. She chortled as she walked away to wait for Honey, leaving him dumbfounded.

He stared after her, shocked that she had not been bowled over by him. He was, after all, Christian. He gave a little shrug before walking back to his car. She would come around eventually; it just might take a little work on his part. He hadnt had to work to get a girl in a long time, but he brushed the thought aside. After all, the challenge is what makes the conquest so fulfilling.

**January 17- The Day of Sleepysides Annual Martin Luther King Jr. Parade**

Trixie had been trying unsuccessfully to get some time alone with Jim the entire day. She gave a little frown as she thought about how he had invited Honey and Brian along with them on their walk around the park after lunch. If she didnt know better, she would say he was trying to avoid being alone with her. Now, on the drive home, maybe they would have the chance to talk and spend some time together. Even though they lived in the same town, she knew once classes started for him next week, she wouldnt be seeing him as much as she would like.

Settling herself into the passenger side of Jims car, she watched as he got in and started the engine.

Placing her hand on his arm, she looked at him beseechingly. Jim? Is anything wrong? You seemed awfully quiet today.

Feeling her hand on his arm, he looked at her. Her brow was knitted in confusion and worry. He hated being the cause of her worries, and knowing he was going to be causing her more pain made it even worse for him. I just had a lot on my mind this week, thats all.

He drove them towards Crabapple Farm, and when he saw Old Telegraph Road, he turned. Trixie looked at him, with amusement. She raised her eyebrow. What are we doing here?

I just thought we could talk for a while. Is that alright with you? he asked softly.

Her smile lit up her face. Ive been wanting to talk to you all day, but I couldnt seem to get you alone. I think one of the blankets is in the trunk. We could spread it out under those trees and talk for a while.

Jims face reddened for a moment as he visualized them alone in such a romantic position. He shook his head clear of those thoughts before replying. Um, no. We can just talk here.

He looked into her bright blue eyes staring back at him questioningly, and he almost changed his mind about lying under the trees with her. _No, you have to be strong, Frayne. Think about someone other than yourself, for once. If you love Trixie, you will do this for her._

Looking into her blue eyes again, he took a deep breath. Trixie, Ive been thinking a lot about the other night back at my apartment. . . .

Me too, Jim. It was a beautiful, wonderful experience. I wouldnt have wanted it any other way. She leaned over and kissed him, parting her lips to run her tongue along his bottom lip.

He groaned slightly before pulling away from her embrace. She wasnt making this any easier. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and love her over and over and over again. Those raw desires were what frightened him, though. He had crossed the line separating self-control and animalistic nature once, and he couldnt take the chance that he would do it again, for her sake and for his. What if things didnt work out between them in the long run, and they had this sordid history to deal with? Would they be able to stay friends? Would they be able to move on with their lives? What about their friends and families? There were just too many outside influences to have to think about. He had to be responsible. Everyone depended on him.

He pulled away from her, putting as much distance between them as was possible in the cramped car. He looked at her sternly. Trixie, let me finish, please.

Confusion knitted her brow and she leaned back so that she was resting against the car door. Alright, Jim. What were you trying to say? She smiled reassuringly.

He closed his eyes and the words came out in a rush. I think we made a big mistake last weekend. He opened his eyes and saw her staring back at him. Her smile had been replaced with a look of anguish.

She choked back a sob. What do you mean? she asked in a quavering voice that was barely above a whisper.

It took all his will power to not take it all back. He could think of something to tell her. _My body was abducted by aliens, and they put a microchip in my brain that makes me say stupid things_.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and his determination returned. He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to make himself appear indifferent. Trixie, we need to concentrate on school and preparing ourselves for the future. I just dont think we can focus on what we need to while we are being this intimate with each other.

She took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves. It appeared those bats were back, and they were angrier than ever. Alright. Then we can just go back to the way things were before. We will pretend last weekend never happened. She kept her voice calm in hopes that he would agree with her, even though she had a suspicion he wouldnt.

He unfolded his arms and ran his hand through his thick red hair. He looked down at his other hand, resting on his knee. He looked at the freckles on the back of his hand as if they were the most intriguing thing he had ever seen in his life before answering her. It isnt that easy, Trixie. You cant just go back. Every time I am with you, I am going to be worried that I am going to cross the line again. The only way to keep from doing that is to make a clean break. He looked up at her anxious to see her reaction to his last statement.

She turned her head to gaze out the front window of the car. Her expression was unreadable.

The silence was deafening. Starting to feel distinctly uncomfortable not knowing what was going on in her mind, he cleared his throat. Im doing this for you. You still have to finish high school, and you have your senior trip coming up. I want you to be able to experience all of that free, without being tied down to one person.

Are you seeing someone else? she asked abruptly.

He face registered with surprise. Both because she had finally spoken, and because she would actually think he would be seeing someone else. No! Absolutely not!

Then why are you so concerned with being tied down to one person? she still gazed out the window. Her expressionless face belied the torment she felt within.

Im not worried about myself. You are still young and innocent. There is still a lot for you to experience. Youve never even dated anyone else. How do you know I am the right person for you?

She looked at him and gave a harsh little laugh. I think I have experienced enough in my young life. I may still have a child-like innocence about me, but that is because I choose to see the world that way. Do you think I am stupid or something? I didnt need to date anyone else to know you were the one for me, because I had faith in what my heart told me. I never questioned or second-guessed it. Until now. She turned around in her seat and began fumbling with the door handle on the car.

Jim reached for her arm to keep her from leaving angry. When she felt his touch, she turned her head sharply. She glared at him through steely eyes and spoke harshly through gritted teeth. Dont you EVER touch me again James Frayne. She turned her attention back to the now opened door, and climbed out. Slamming it after her, she turned and ran through the game preserve towards her home.

Jim got out of the car in time to see her back disappearing behind the brush and trees of the preserve. He debated running after her to make sure she was all right, but decided against it. _She probably needs some time alone to think things through_, he rationalized. _Ill give her a couple days and talk to her then_.

**January 18**  
**6:30 a.m., Crabapple Farm**

Brian? Helen Belden tried to keep the frantic sound out of her voice.

Sleepily, Brian looked at his bedside clock and groaned. He had been looking forward to sleeping in this week before getting back to the grinding schedule of papers, exams and practicums that lay before him, but the phone ringing that morning had decided against those things. Yeah Moms? What is it?

Trixie has been sick since she got home last night. I was wondering if maybe she had eaten something or if something happened yesterday that would make her so sick. Do you have any ideas? Her voice was filled with worry.

Brian sat up and scratched his head. No, I cant think of anything. She was fine when she and Jim left to drive home. Im sure Dr. Ferris could see her today, though.

She wont go to the doctor. She locked herself in the bathroom and she wont come out. Her voice rose in desperation.

_That didnt sound like Trixie. She wasnt the type to be melodramatic. Something serious must be wrong._ Ok. Ill be right there. Maybe I can talk some sense into her.

{ { {

Twenty minutes later, Brian walked into the kitchen, catching the screen door just before it had the chance to slam shut. He looked at Bobby, sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl full of cereal as if he didnt have a care in the world. Maybe things werent as bad as his mother made them sound. Hey, where are Moms and Dad? he asked.

He lifted his spoon and slurped the last of the fruity pebbles noisily from it. Upstairs. He mumbled through a full mouth while simultaneously reaching for the box to pour himself another bowl.

Thanks, Mart Jr. Brian muttered as he left the room in search of his parents.

He found them upstairs standing outside the bathroom door, speaking to each other in hushed whispers.

Morning. He said breathlessly. She still hasnt come out?

Helen turned to face her oldest son, her usually attractive features contorted in a bleak expression. No. She mumbled something a little earlier. I think she said that she is fine just to leave her alone.

Peter looked at the door and then back at his wife and son. How did we used to get Bobby out of there when he would lock himself in? he questioned.

Brian gave a wry grin. Trixie would pick the lock from the outside. She never showed anyone else how to do it. He moved closer to the door and leaned his head against it. He knocked gently and called out to his sister. Trixie? Can I come in for a minute? I just want to talk to you for a minute and make sure you are alright.

Trixie sat on the pale blue shag carpeted bath mat, her head resting on the lid of the toilet. She was exhausted. She tried to sleep that night, but every time she closed her eyes, her head would fill with visions of bats. Large bats that lived inside her stomach and were trying to make their escape through her belly button. Then there was the extremely vivid dream of her being slowly crushed under a boulder. The boulder lay on her chest, pressing down with agonizing slowness. She prayed to the gods to spare her this torture, but they laughed at her mockingly, always leaving her just enough air to take her next shallow breath. The dreams were real enough that she would wake up heaving in her bed. After making several trips across the hall at breakneck speeds, she decided it would be easier to just stay there. So, she had sat on the little blue rug with her head resting on the matching blue seat cover for almost 3 hours now, staring at the same spot of soap scum on the bathtub the entire time.

She heard her parents voices outside the door, and some time later, a third voice joined them. She was still staring at the tub when she heard a gentle knock on the door. Brians muffled voice filtered through the door, calling her name. She stared at the soap scum trying to decipher a shape. She heard Brian telling her he wanted to make sure she was all right

Hmph! Youre one of them. I can and will take care of myself, because none of you can be trusted.

She continued to stare at the tub, not saying a word. _Maybe an alien space craft_, she pondered.

Outside the door, Helen and Peter looked on helplessly. Frustrated, Helen asked, Cant we just take it off the hinges?

The hinges are on the inside of the bathroom, he replied to his mother, but looked at his father. This was his house, what did he want to do?

Finally getting angry, Peter Belden leaned towards the door to shout. Beatrix, if I have to break this door down, I am going to be very upset with you. Now open the door.

She heard her fathers yell, but didnt flinch or move from her position. _Could be a chocolate chip cookie, I guess_.

Outside the door, they waited a few moments to see if the threat would have its desired effect. When nothing happened, Peter looked at his oldest son and grimly asked him to get the axe out of the shed.

Oh Peter, is that really necessary? Helen asked shocked.

The hallway is too narrow to get enough force to break it down ourselves. We could call a locksmith, but it could be a while before they got out here. If you want her out now, this is the only way.

Brain appeared at the top of the stairs, axe in hand, followed closely by Bobby.

Bobby looked at his family suspiciously. What are you guys doing? he demanded.

None of your business, young man. Now finish getting ready for school. The bus will be here to pick you up any minute. Helen hated snapping at her children, but sometimes it was the only way to get them to do what they were told.

Bobby shrugged his shoulders and stepped up to the door of the bathroom. Kicking it hard with his foot several times, he yelled at the top of his lungs. TRIXIE!! Hurry it up in there! Dont bother with make-up, it wont help. Just put a bag over your head, and well all be happy!

She heard her brothers infamous kick of the door and gave a half-smile. A male that hadnt been corrupted yet. He didnt want to help her, or protect her. In fact, he would probably be happy if she fell off the face of the earth. Then he could have her room. Lifting her head off the toilet, she winced in pain as she tried to straighten out her stiff neck. Straightening her spine, she slowly rose to her feet and walked to the door.

On the other side of the door, Helen looked at her youngest son in amazement. Wondering at how he could be so insensitive, she spoke sharply. Bobby, go put your shoes and coat on. You can brush your teeth when you get home tonight.

Just then, the doorknob turned and a disheveled Trixie opened the door. She had dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. One cheek, as well as her legs, was red with the rug impression where she had sat for so long in one position. She walked past her brothers and her parents to her room, where she quietly slipped inside, unaware of their shocked stares.

As soon as her door had closed behind her, the group jumped into action. Bobby went inside the bathroom to brush his teeth, Peter went downstairs to get the tools necessary to take the handle off the door, Helen scurried about, trying to find all of Bobbys belongings before the bus came and he missed it. Brian stood in the hall, eyeing his sisters room. He walked to her closed door and put his hand on the doorknob, thankful that the bedrooms didnt have locks. He knew the Belden rule about bedroom privacy, but considered this to be an exception. He raised his free hand and knocked soundly on the door. Before Trixie could tell him not to come in, he opened the door.

His sister was lying on her bed, curled in the fetal position, staring at the wall. He closed the door behind him, walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. Brushing an errant curl off her cheek, he spoke quietly. Trix?

She didnt respond.

Trixie? Whats wrong? he asked a little more forcefully.

She licked her lips and quietly replied. What makes you think something is wrong?

You were sleeping in the bathroom. Now, unless you have taken up drinking, that is a pretty sure sign that things arent right.

Without moving her position, she answered him. I hate men.

His sister had been saying this since she could talk. This wasnt news to him. Any particular reason?

She snorted. Shall I amaze you with my knowledge of Geometry proofs? Given: Jim is a man. Given: I hate Jim. Result: I hate men. Simple.

He smirked. That isnt how Geometry proofs work.

She turned to glare at her brother. I just told you all that, and you are going to dwell on the Math errors?

He gave her a gentle smile. I got you to turn around, didnt I? Now, quit being so melodramatic and tell me what is wrong.

She hesitated before answering him. Do you promise not to be judging or condescending?

He made a crossing motion over his heart. Promise.

She looked into her brothers dark eyes before answering softly. Last night, after the picnic, Jim broke up with me. She turned back to face the wall, not wanting to meet his gaze when she told him the rest of the story.

He waited for her to continue. When she didnt, he quietly prompted her. And?

He told me that our relationship had gone too far, and that we needed to see other people. Her voice was muffled, but Brian didnt know if it was from tears or the blanket she was gripping.

Too far? he queried.

Still staring at her wall, she bit her lower lip before continuing. Do you remember that night you called? We had slept together.

Brian ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm himself. He wanted to go over to Jims place a beat the tar out of him, but that wouldnt help Trixie right now. He wanted to make sure he had all the facts straight. So he took advantage of you and then left you?

No, I took advantage of him. She gave a little laugh that ended in a hiccup.

He tried to process this new bit of information. He could easily believe that Trixie, with her impulsiveness, would have no problems making the first move. But she was still his little sister, and he didnt want to think about things like that.

Shaking his head, he tried to clear his thoughts. So what is the problem? Why did he break things off?

She gave a soft sigh. She knew Brian would probably agree with what Jim had decided, but she didnt want him to tell her that. He said he is trying to save me the trouble of being tied down so young.

As much as he wanted to strangle Jim right now, Brian had to agree with him. Silently, of course. He would never tell Trixie he agreed with what Jim had said or done.

She rolled back over to look at her brother. Right now, I am just really tired. I was having these awful nightmares last night and I couldnt sleep. I dont really want to face anyone at school, either. Every day, someone asks me about Jim, and my locker sits next to the trophy case where his cross country trophies are.

Why dont you try to get some sleep then? There is no way you could make it to school today anyway. Ill call Honey and ask her to bring your work home and ask Moms about you staying home the rest of the week. He stood up and gave a wry grin. Shell listen to me. I am the sensible one, after all.

She yawned. Thanks, Brian. Im glad youre a brother, and not a man.

Thanks, I think.

She giggled. You know what I mean.

He closed the door behind him and walked to the phone that sat in the hallway. He dialed the familiar number and waited while it rang.

Hi, Celia. Is Honey there?

Of course, Brian. She was just finishing her breakfast. One minute. He heard the Wheelers pretty young maid set the phone down before getting Honey.

He drummed his fingers on the table, waiting for Honey to pick up the phone.

Hello? Honeys voice rang out over the phone lines.

Honey! Its Brian. Could you do me a favor and pick-up Trixies school work today?

Is Trixie sick? She seemed fine at the picnic yesterday. Her voice became anxious with concern for her friend.

She isnt feeling well right now. Reconsidering his sisters state, he modified his question. Actually, can you go ahead and pick up her work for the week? Ill have Moms call the school and let them know she wont be in this week. You should be able to get all her stuff at the same time.

Gosh, Brian. Sounds serious. Whats wrong?

Knowing the situation could be tense with Jim being Honeys brother, he didnt want to give out too much information. Id rather not talk about it, Honey. Dont worry, shell be fine. In fact, youll probably be hearing all about it in school next week. For now, can you just get the books for me?

Sure. Ill drop them off on my way home tonight.

Thanks.

After saying goodbye, Honey walked back into the dining room where her parents and brother sat, eating their breakfast. Jim lived on his own, but almost always managed to make it home for meals.

Her mother saw the worried look on her face right away. Whats wrong, dear? Everything alright?

Smiling to put her mother at ease, she informed everyone at the table of her conversation. That was Brian on the phone. I guess Trixie must have gotten sick at the picnic yesterday. She isnt going to be in school this week.

Reassured that the problem wasnt serious, her mother made a sympathetic gesture, and her father looked back to his paper. Honey looked across the table at her brother, and noticed his face was paler than usual. He looked up and caught her eye, but before she could question him, he grabbed his jacket and his keys, and got up from the table to leave. I have a lot to do today. I better get going.

Knowing he was trying to run away from something, Honey also jumped up. Wait Jim. I have to get going as well. Ill walk out with you. Once the two of them had reached the foyer, Honey grabbed Jims arm. Ok, what did you do to Trixie?

He had already decided that no matter how difficult things were for Trixie, he wouldnt feel guilty for trying to do what was best for her. He jerked his arm back from her before responding coolly. I dont know what youre talking about.

She eyed him warily. You looked like the cat that swallowed the canary in there just now, and youre going to tell me you dont know what is wrong with Trixie?

Look, everyone might as well know. Trixie and I are over. We broke up yesterday.

Honey looked at him shocked. Oh my goodness. She must have taken it pretty hard. Do you think that is why she is so sick?

His voice softened. I dont know how she took it. She ran off when I was talking to her. I was going to call her tonight to see how she was. I honestly dont know what is making her sick, but I hope she feels better soon. He opened the door and walked to his car.

Honeys eyes narrowed as she watched him leave. She knew there had to be more to it than that. _Well, Im not going to get it figured out standing here. Maybe I can talk to Trixie tonight and find out what is going on. _She closed the door behind her resolutely.

{ { {

Later that evening, Helen Belden carried a tray down stairs. She looked at it and sighed. It was just as full as it had been when she carried it up to her daughter. She set it down on the table and Brian looked at it. How much food did you take up to her?

What you see there. She didnt eat a thing. She hasnt eaten anything all day.

Do you want me to take it back up to her, or take her something else? He knew his mother was tired from worrying and trying to take care of Trixie.

Not right now. She was falling back to sleep when I left her room. I want to give her the chance to sleep if she can. She keeps waking up every few hours because of those nightmares. She looked at her oldest son anxiously. Do you think shell be alright, Brian?

He rested his elbows on the countertop and leaned on them. I think she will be alright. It is just going to take some time. Jim has been her whole world since she was 13 years old.

She spoke quietly to her oldest son, a perplexed look on her face. Its just hard for me to believe she would get this upset over anybody, even Jim. Something else is wrong with this picture, but I cant quite put my finger on it.

Brian picked up the crackers on Trixies plate and began eating them. He shrugged his shoulders noncommittally, hoping his mother wouldnt question him any further. I dont know, Moms. I dont know what else could be wrong.

{ { {

The next morning, Brian arrived early and was happy to see Trixie sitting at the table, books opened all around her. He chuckled when he saw she was hard at work on her Geometry proofs. He hair was swept up into a loose ponytail, to keep it out of my eyes she always said. The flannel shirt of Jims she used to wear had been replaced by one of Marts. The jeans she wore were her favorites, because the denim had been worn perfectly and it felt as soft as cotton. If not for the large dark circles under her swollen eyes, you would think she was just relaxing around the house for the day.

Hearing him walk in, Trixie looked up at her brother. She smiled brightly at him, hoping a chipper exterior would keep him from questioning her. Mornin

He walked over to the coffee pot, grabbing a mug off the rack on his way and poured himself a cup. Have any plans for the day? he asked, sipping the steaming black liquid.

She wrinkled her nose in distaste. Not really. I was just going over some of this homework Honey brought while I was sleeping last night.

He nodded his head in understanding. Good. Grab your coat. Were going on a little trip.

Where are we going? she asked.

First, to see a doctor. You were pretty sick yesterday. Im almost positive it was because of nerves and stress, but I would feel better if a doctor saw you to make sure. Also, you didnt eat anything all day, and I saw Moms outside and she told me you hadnt eaten a thing today, either. I dont want you to get dehydrated or malnourished. After that, we can stop by Wimpys and get something to eat. Sound good?

She studied his face critically. You arent going to be happy, unless I say yes, are you?

Nope. He responded.

She sighed. She didnt feel like leaving the house, but she knew it was pointless to argue with her older brother. Alright. Lets go.

Are you going to change?

No. If you are forcing me to go out, youll have to take me looking the way I do.

He chuckled for a moment while she grabbed her coat. Wheres that bag for your head Bobby was talking about yesterday?

Ha Ha. Very funny, she retorted.

They had been seated in the car for several minutes when Trixie spoke up. Are we going to see Dr. Ferris, Brian?

He looked sideways unsure where she was going with this question. Well, yeah. He is our family doctor.

She paused for a moment, deep in thought. Do you think we could go see a different doctor? Isnt there a clinic in White Plains?

I suppose so. What do you have against Dr Ferris all of a sudden?

Well, two things really. I dont want to have to tell him what happened. This is a small town, Brian, and gossip travels quick. The last thing I want everyone knowing is that Trixie Belden was dumped by her boyfriend Jim Frayne after they had sex, and that she had nightmares because of it. She took a deep breath before continuing. I also want to have a pregnancy test done, and I dont want that kind of information leaked in Sleepyside.

He looked at her for a moment, dumbfounded. Before he could say anything, she hastily added. We used birth control, but I just want to know for certain. I dont want this to be in the back of my mind while I am trying to make a fresh start. Does that make sense?

He looked at his younger sister in awe. Her ability to move on, even under the most bleak of circumstances amazed him. Absolutely.

Three hours later, they sat in a booth at Wimpys. Trixie had been poked and prodded in every possible place on her body, and in the end everything turned out to be fine. She was relieved to find out she was not pregnant. There was only one concern the doctor had, and that was that she was slightly dehydrated. The doctor made her promise to drink plenty of water, and was even kind enough to give her a written excuse for school. He also gave her the number of a counselor she could talk to if her dreams persisted or got worse. In the end, it was decided the entire episode was due to stress and nerves. His recommendation? Take it easy until Monday.

She was just finishing telling Brian, in great detail, every test she had undergone. And my point you might ask? Dont become a gynecologist if you have cold hands.

Or a proctologist. He added amusement dancing in his eyes. She raised her French fry in agreement with him. Or a proctologist.

She dissolved into giggles at her usually serious brothers comment. He watched her curiously. One moment she would be fine, laughing and joking as if she didnt have a care in the world, and the next, she would look as if she were going to burst into tears.

At that moment, she heard the jukebox start to play a familiar song, and she stopped giggling. She was still smiling, but the glimmer in her eye was gone, and the smile had a sad undertone to it. Her eyes glazed over slightly, and her bottom lip began to tremble.

Noticing the change in her appearance, Brian became concerned. Trixie? You alright?

Regaining her composure, Trixie responded to her brother. Huh? Oh, yeah. I was just thinking of something.

He was a little frustrated that she didnt feel comfortable enough to open up to him about all her worries and concerns, but as long as she talked to someone he would be happy. You know who would be a really good person to talk to?

She looked at him curiously. Who? And about what?

Moms. And about what youre going through. I know she is worried about you, and she already suspects there is something more going on than just a break-up.

Did you tell her anything?

No, you asked me not to. I think you should talk to her, though. She can help and she will understand. She loves you, Trix, no matter what.

She turned the idea around in her head. Moms knew her well enough to know something else had to be wrong. And Moms is a woman. She would probably know how to help. Alright. Ill talk to her tomorrow. Maybe we can go out somewhere and have lunch or something.

When they reached the farmhouse a little later, Trixie walked into the kitchen where her mother was rinsing some vegetables. Brian, wanting to give them some privacy, walked upstairs.

She walked up to her mother and addressed her tentatively. Moms?

Helen looked at her daughter and smiled a warm smile. Yes, Trixie. What is it?

I was wondering if you and I could have lunch somewhere tomorrow. There are some things I want to talk to you about, but I want to do it away from all the distractions here at home.

As if to prove her point, the phone rang.

She moved to the phone, but waited for her mothers answer before picking it up. Of course, Trixie. Im always here for you.

Smiling at her mother, she picked up the phone to answer it, but the greeting froze on her lips. She heard Brian say hello, and a man clearing his throat on the other end of the line.

Jims voice moved through the phone line and sent electric currents down her body. Hi Brian. Is Trixie there?

Yes. He answered shortly.

Hesitantly, he asked, Um, can I talk to her?

No, you cant. She was surprised at the harshness her brothers voice had taken on. He prided himself on being reasonable and fair.

Angered by Brians uncharacteristic attitude, Jim gritted his teeth before responding. Brian, will you just get her on the phone?

No, I wont. She is still trying to recover from the pain you caused her a few days ago. You destroyed her once this week; Im not going to let you do it again. Stay away from her, and dont ever call here again. If Trixie wants to talk to you, she will call you. Do you understand?

The only answer he got was the clicking of the phone, followed by a dial tone.

He put the receiver down and walked back down the stairs.

Trixie waited until Brian had hung up before she put the receiver down. Her mother watched her curiously, but didnt say anything. Trixie looked at her mother and shrugged her shoulders with a sheepish grin. She appreciated what Brian had tried to do, but if anyone was going to tell Jim off, it should have been her. She would have to remember to talk to him about that. Sitting back at the table where she had left her books strewn about, she spent the rest of the afternoon trying to perfect her Geometry.

{ { {

Late the next morning, Trixie was up helping her mother dry the breakfast dishes. During the day when there were the everyday chores around the house and her schoolwork to distract her, she felt fine. At night though, there was nothing to stop her mind from wandering back over all the memories of the past year. To her discontent, she realized she didnt have any memories that didnt center around Jim somehow. All the Bob-White functions and charity events brought back memories of happier times with him, even when they were denying their feelings for each other. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying in the middle of the night. Fortunately, the nightmares she had been having were coming less frequently, only interrupting her sleep three times last night. The nightmares were replaced with another bother, though. She started experiencing cramps in her calves and feet around midnight. That morning, she hobbled to the phone and called Brian to asked him about it. He said it was probably a side effect of the dehydration and to let him know if it continued. She was nervous about talking to Moms, but she didnt know whom else to turn to. She had so many questions that couldnt be answered by her friends or her brother.

Drying the last dish, she placed it in the cabinet and closed the door after it. All done. I am going to go upstairs and take a shower before we go to lunch.

Alright dear. We can leave in about an hour and a half, if that is alright with you. She watched her daughter turn and walk out of the room. Her face and demeanor were starting to show the signs of exhaustion, and she wished there was something she could do to help.

Trixie walked up the stairs to her room and looked around. Pictures adorned the walls. Some of her and Jim together, some of Jim by himself. Newspaper clippings, trinkets he had bought her, even some of his clothes were strewn about the room. _Looks like it is time to redecorate, _she mused.

{ { {

Two hours later, Trixie and her mother sat waiting patiently for their food to arrive. They were fortunate to arrive just before the lunch crowd, so the restaurant was fairly empty and quiet.

So what is it you want to talk to me about? Helen asked.

Trixie grabbed a roll and began tearing it apart little by little. I guess you probably already know about Jim and I breaking up.

Helen nodded.

She concentrated on her hands before continuing. Well, there are some things you dont know about our relationship.

Helen looked at her daughter for a moment before the confusion vanished and was replaced with understanding. Now it all made sense.

Did you and Jim . . .?

Trixie nodded glumly, fearing she had disappointed her mother. I slept with him. That was the reason he thought we should spend time apart. He thought our relationship was getting too intimate and decided we should quit seeing each other.

Helen sighed. Well, that sounds like something Jim would say, although I cant say I agree with him. What about you? How did you feel about the relationship?

Trixie blushed and lowered her head.

Dont be embarrassed or shy. I would have preferred you waited until you were married, but in these times, that is unrealistic. I know you wouldnt have sex with just anyone, and I am happy you waited until you found someone you loved. She wanted to put Trixies mind at ease. She knew her daughter was already going through enough.

She looked up. I was perfectly happy with the relationship. I didnt see any problems, but apparently Jim did.

Picking up her tea, she looked at her daughter thoughtfully before answering. Maybe he just wasnt ready for that next step.

Her eyes downcast, she brushed breadcrumbs from the tablecloth in front of her to the floor below. Why didnt he just say something then? she grumbled.

I dont know, dear.

Wanting to put thoughts of Jim behind her, she flippantly ended further thoughts about Jim. Enough about Jim. I dont want to talk about him anymore. Looking at her mother beseechingly, she asked, How do I get this pain to go away?

Unfortunately, there isnt anything you can do, really. You go on about your life, you meet new people, you do new things and eventually, you will wake up in the morning and realize the sharp shooting pain is now a dull ache that just comes and goes every once in a while. She wished she could make all the pain go away for her daughter, but it was simply impossible.

She looked at her mother. Tears matted her eyelashes, but didnt fall from her eyes. Will it ever go away?

Honestly? No, not completely. It will come back when you see him, or hear a special song on the radio, but the severity of the pain will diminish with time. I promise. She reached over and placed her hand over Trixies.

Why did this hurt so much?

There are a lot of reasons. I would say that one of them was that you didnt hold anything back. You gave of yourself freely, both physically and emotionally. Also, most people dont find their soul mate when they are thirteen. They fall in and out of love quickly, and because of that, they dont hurt as much or take as long to recover. Someday these memories wont be bittersweet anymore. Theyll just be sweet.

Trixie was thinking about this when the waiter brought out their food. Is it wrong to put the memories behind you until the pain fades some?

Not if it helps you get through the day, no.

Well, do you think it would be alright if I redecorated my room some?

Or course, dear. You have been needing new carpet for quit a while. This sounds like the perfect opportunity. Let your father and I know what you want to do, and we will get you whatever you need.

What are you going to tell Dad about this?

Trixie, this is something private for you. If you want me to tell him, I will, but if you dont, I wont.

I just dont want him to be disappointed in me, and I would feel strange if he knew.

Your father and I could never be disappointed in you. We just want you to be happy, dear. If you dont want him to know, then I will respect your wishes by not telling him.

Spearing a piece of lettuce with her fork, Trixie thought about the changes she was going to make and smiled.

{ { {

Sunday evening, Trixie looked around at her handiwork in satisfaction. The walls had been painted a muted, pale blue color. The trim had been painted black at Trixies request. She liked having the definition around her. It reminded her that everything had a definite end. The carpet was also blue, though darker than the walls, and it was the thickest, softest carpet they could find. She smiled as she curled her feet in it, feeling the soft fibers between her toes.

Brian, Mart and her father had moved her furniture to the center of the room and covered it with a sheet on Friday morning, leaving Trixie to paint alone. They would have gladly stayed and helped, but she wanted to do this for herself. Out with the bad, in with the good, she had told them. The only thing she didnt do herself was the mural painted on the ceiling. Her mother did that. It wasnt flashy or difficult. Just clouds, but she loved them. Saturday afternoon, the carpet layers came and within a few hours, she was walking barefoot across her new carpet. Her furniture was moved back where she wanted it, and she began the arduous task of deciding what would stay in her room and what would be relegated to the attic. Pictures of Jim were packed away, along with letters he had written to her. The silver ID bracelet was tucked safely away in its velvet box to be put in her parents safe deposit box with her ring. The T-shirt she slept in and his outgrown flannel shirts were used to cushion smaller, more breakable items like the crystal magnifying glass paper- weight he had given her several years ago. After shedding a multitude of tears, and hours of reminiscing, she had sorted out what would stay and what would go. The things she had decided to keep were sitting on her dresser or hung on her walls, and the things she wanted out of sight had been packed away carefully. After some negotiating, Bobby had been bribed into taking the boxes of memories to the attic for her.

She looked around her new room and immediately felt better. Opening her drawer to get her pajamas, she noticed something tucked in the back corner. Pulling it out, she immediately recognized the replica of Cinderellas glass slipper Jim had given her for Christmas not a month before. She glared at the slipper and set it on the edge of her dresser. Maybe tomorrow she could bribe Bobby into packing it in one of the boxes he took upstairs. For now, she was exhausted. She changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. She got into bed and turned out her bedside light. Leaning back against her pillow, she sighed and fell into a deep, uninterrupted sleep.

* * *

A/N's: This is the first story in the Misguided Universe and was initially posted and announced 10 years ago at Jix. A multitude of gratitude to Cathy for editing (several times!), and for not running away every time I say "You know what I was thinking today?" Those IM sessions are the ones that help me get these crazy ideas mapped out in me head, and I know hearing those words coming from me must be pretty frightening sometimes. The song is Breathe, by Faith Hill. In my world, Jim leaves the radio in his bedroom on round the clock, like I do.

The characters are the brain child of Julie Campbell and belong to Golden Books/Western Publishing.


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